Preparing for Thanksgiving…

I love the Holidays!  I don’t know what it is about it.  The hustle and bustle…the crazy traffic.  The mall Santa. The smell of hot cider or roasting chestnuts on an open fire.(yes I grew up where they actually do roast chestnuts)   I love getting ready for family and friends to come to our home.   I love to decorate for the fall and then for the Christmas season.  All of this represents such a warm time to me.  It is part of tradition in our family.  It will be a little different this year.  Still decorating, just a little toned down!  Not out in the crowd as much.  Still preparing for Thanksgiving and then Christmas.

I was wondering how you might get ready  for your Thanksgiving table?  I thought I would share my tradition with you.  Let me start by saying that I love to decorate and that my usual table decor is the traditional cornucopia that you would see.  I have added to it throughout the years as I have hit the 75% off sales until it almost overtakes the table and probably has become ridiculous!  I like it though, and my family indulges me and I always remove it in time for the turkey who is the star of the show!  This year will be different because I have not had time to dig through the attic to unearth the traditional centerpiece…I am also quite sure that Sam’s doctors would not be particularly thrilled if there were any dust in the middle of the table, and given the age of some of my decorations….you can only imagine!   This year I will be changing things up…I think we will have candles!   Yes this is very exciting …I know you are overwhelmed!  Our girls will be the stars, the food is already prepared and in the freezer thanks to our neighbors Cory and Leah!  The other center piece that I am excited about are stones.  YES STONES!  They are very hypo allergenic!  I cannot claim the idea for my own, I saw it on the mid day show on channel 4.  The host suggested that you take a bowl of smooth stones that your children gathered, or that you bought at a craft store.  That you wash them, and that you have them in a bowl with a Sharpie pen.  Family members and guests write what they are thankful for on the stones and use them as the center piece  on the table.  ( of course, they nestled the stones in a beautiful sheet of moss with votive candles all the way down the table…moss is a big NO NO at our house! )  I am really excited about this idea…we have so much to be thankful for this year.

The idea of stones of thanksgiving and remembrance is not a new one to me.  It is actually part of one of my favorite  sermons that my brother-in-law, Tim preaches.  I think that the passage he uses is out of  Joshua 4.  I like the whole chapter.  It is an awesome story of the miracle of the Israelites crossing over the Jordan river.  The back drop to the story is that they have been wandering around in the wilderness, probably wondering if they would ever reach what God had promised them.  I wonder if I had been in their midst if I would have been aware at all of the many miracles of God’s provision for them.   The deliverance from Pharoah, the crossing of the Red Sea,  the pillar of cloud that lead them by day, and the pillar of fire that led them by night,  the manna from heaven, …I am sure as they wandered they became weary from their journey and less thankful for any provision that had come to them.  I imagine that they wondered if they would have been better off back in Pharaohs service….  And finally this…after years of wandering, thinking that they had left all they knew,  in hopes of a promised land that would never be, they see it, across the river Jordan.  Here is the story:

Joshua 4

The People Set Up a Monument

 ¹After Israel had crossed the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua:

    ^2-3Tell ^[a] one man from each of the twelve tribes to pick up a large rock from where the priests are standing. Then have the men set up those rocks as a monument at the place where you camp tonight. ⁴Joshua chose twelve men; he called them together, ⁵and told them:

   Go to the middle of the riverbed where the sacred chest is, and pick up a large rock. Carry it on your shoulder to our camp. There are twelve of you, so there will be one rock for each tribe. ^6-7Someday your children will ask, ” Why are these rocks here?” Then you can tell them how the water stopped flowing when the chest was being carried across the river. These rocks will always remind our people of what happened here today.

    ⁸The men followed the instructions that the LORD had given Joshua. They picked up twelve rocks, one for each tribe, and carried them to the camp, where they put them down.

    ⁹Joshua had some other men set up a monument next to the place where the priests were standing. This monument was also made of twelve large rocks, and it is still there in the middle of the river.

The People of Israel Set Up Camp at Gilgal

 ^10-13The army got ready for battle and crossed the Jordan. They marched quickly past the sacred chest ^[b] and into the desert near Jericho. Forty thousand soldiers from the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and East Manasseh ^[c] led the way, as Moses had ordered. ^[d] The priests stayed right where they were until the army had followed the orders that the LORD had given Moses and Joshua. Then the army watched as the priests carried the chest the rest of the way across.

    ^14-18” Joshua,” the LORD said, ” have the priests come up from the Jordan and bring the chest with them.” So Joshua went over to the priests and told them what the LORD had said. And as soon as the priests carried the chest past the highest place that the floodwaters of the Jordan had reached, the river flooded its banks again.

   That’s how the LORD showed the Israelites that Joshua was their leader. ^[e] For the rest of Joshua’s life, they respected him as they had respected Moses. ¹⁹It was the tenth day of the first month ^[f] of the year when Israel crossed the Jordan River. They set up camp at Gilgal, which was east of the land controlled by Jericho. ²⁰The men who had carried the twelve rocks from the Jordan brought them to Joshua, and they made them into a monument. ²¹Then Joshua told the people: Years from now your children will ask you why these rocks are here. ^22-23Tell them, ” The LORD our God dried up the Jordan River so we could walk across. He did the same thing here for us that he did for our people at the Red Sea, ^{[g] 24}because he wants everyone on earth to know how powerful he is. And he wants us to worship only him.”

Don’t you love this story!  You are probably thinking that I am crazy to write on rocks!  Let me tell you why!  Time flies!  When you are going through something bad (through your own wilderness) it feels like it is dragging.  However, when it is over, it only feels like it was a moment.  The mind just works like that.  Sam said the other day when he was released from the hospital after 55 days…”I feel like it was just yesterday that this all started.”   This is why I think  stones of thanksgiving will be especially important at our house this year (and every year..just worked into the cornucopia in some way ).  WHY?  Because, when our children, and grandchildren come back to these stones, we will be able to tell them time and again of how God delivered (and continually delivers) our family and that He desires us to worship only Him.

Today I am thankful for our doctors who changed Sams medicines because he is getting fevers with this chemo that are making him feel really bad.  I expect that by noon his fever should drop and that he should start to feel some better.  He will not be getting his last round of chemo until Tuesday late afternoon and early Wednesday morning.  Please continue to pray for no infections.  We have been so blessed. 

Rejoicing with the good news of remission and Gods faithfulness!

Keli

Woah!! Strong medicine…

Good Sunday morning!  While you are at church, I am writing this post and thanking the Lord that yesterday is finished.  I told Keli this morning that I guess this consolidation chemotherapy was just going to be a walk in the park.  I was wrong.  After receiving my first two rounds on Friday afternoon and Saturday early morning, I was hardly able to get out of bed due to complete exhaustion…or something…I even couldn’t keep my breakfast down.  At one point I did force myself up and walked a mile, but then I went back to the bed.  Mid-afternoon I said to the nurse that she may want to take my temperature.  I just had a feeling.  She couldn’t believe it so she took it twice.  I had a fever of 102.1.  Well, that starts a chain reaction at the hospital.  The came and drew blood from both arms, took me down for an x-ray, and added new antibiotics to my regimen.  It was quite a day!

God is so good.  This morning I have no fever and I am feeling great.  Keli brought me pancakes from Pancake Pantry and they tasted so good.  Originally, Keli was not going to spend the night with me like the last time, but after the episodes yesterday, she has changed her mind…I’m glad she did.   She noticed a rash, for instance, that prompted the doctor to change a certain drug for me.  I am so glad she is here with me.

This afternoon I receive my third bag of chemotherapy.  Pray with me that I will not react like I did yesterday.  All of this is necessary for a healing, but the stress that accompanies and other emotions are sometimes overwhelming.  I feel so good, spiritually and mentally.  I am not at all surprised by the grace of God extended to me and that I am in remission.  It is cool to be in the second chapter of this journey. 

Thank you for your hymns and songs you have sent to me.  I sing each of them when they are sent.  May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Sam

Covered in His Hand!

I have enjoyed the week at home being able to cook, clean, sleep in our bed, pull out some shrubbery for winter,  and most of all enjoy time with our girls around the table and just “being”.  We have made NO commitments this week.  We basked in each others presence, and did the bare minimum.  Ate what we wanted.  Cooked foods we wanted.  Did our best to keep laundry and house clean and Sam healthy.  It has been surreal!  I needed this ( and I am sure I was not alone! )

The thing I keep coming back to is perspective.  Having a break from crisis, gives perspective.  Before I go on….If you are in the middle of your own crises, whatever it is, take a break, no matter how short.  Promise me that you won’t rationalize yourself out of it.  You need a fresh perspective.  God will help you find it, if you will allow Him!

The song that has played over and over in my mind throughout the week is so old, that I can’t even believe it.  The underlying verse is found in Exodus 33:22.  The title is “He Hideth my Soul”, by Fanny Crosby.  I am not surprised when songs with great word pictures, like this one, come out of a life that is not unfamiliar with sadness, and yet knows the transforming power of Christ.    Fanny Crosby became blind because of a mistake the family doctor made when she was a mere 6 weeks old.  Then, as a young woman, was separated from her husband.  She also lost a precious child, which she seldom spoke of.

It has always been amazing to me, as an observer, to see others hit be “tragedy”, get up and testify to the glory of God in their lives.  Fanny Crosby is truly one of these, who has been able to pen this in a beautiful way.  I wish I had her eloquence, because there are times when there have been no words to express His absolute presence, or the complete feeling of having been “covered by His hand”…in the “cleft of the rock”!  Could there be a safer place!

I know many of you are waiting for answers like we have been.  Some for days, some for weeks, some for months…one of my friends finally just got a job after one year of unemployment!  The stress and anxiety is real.  The tragedy and heartache and impact on your family is real.  God is able to sustain you.  He is full of grace for your journey.  He Is covering you with His hands…Share in Fanny’s song!

1. A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
   A wonderful Savior to me;
   He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
   Where rivers of pleasure I see.
   • Refrain:
     He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
     That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
     He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
     And covers me there with His hand,
     And covers me there with His hand.
2. A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
   He taketh my burden away,
   He holdeth me up and I shall not be moved,
   He giveth me strength as my day.
3. With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
   And filled with His fullness divine,
   I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God!
   For such a Redeemer as mine.
4. When clothed with His brightness transported I rise
   To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
   His perfect salvation, His wonderful love,
   I’ll shout with the millions on high.

Thank you so much for sharing in our joy!  This has been such a great week!  I do confess that I thought I might have to check myself into the emergency room for chest pains for all the stress I was under Friday morning!  I did recover!  Anxiety is an amazing thing!     It also helped when I relaxed my shoulders!!  HA!

We love all of you and pray God’s richest blessings on your lives!

Rejoicing

Keli

The first chapter is finished…Complete Remission!

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father…He is so faithful and good.  Praise be to God.  Dr. Berdeja walked in around 10:55 this morning and said to me, “you are in complete remission.”  I gave him a high five and hugged Keli.  I said to him, “I bet it is moments like these that make you happy you went into medicine.”  He agreed that he was so happy for us.

Guess where I am right now?  I am writing to you from room 3324, Centennial Hospital…the same floor I was on for the induction chemotherapy.  You are saying…wait…you are in remission!  I told you that the next step was consolidation chemotherapy.  You just didn’t know it would be right away, did you?   I have already had blood drawn, a chest x-ray, and they changed my dressing on my PICC line.  The order has been placed for the chemotherapy and I am ready to go.  As I said when I started this September 18…Bring It!!   

Complete remission means there are no leukemia cells in my bone marrow.  Praise God!!!  So, what is consolidation chemotherapy?  Consolidation chemotherapy, for me, is 20 times stronger than the chemotherapy that I have already had.  It is given to kill any microscopic cells that are lurking around and would love to begin multiplying in my bone marrow.  I will receive a round of chemo this afternoon and a round 12 hours later (around 3:00 in the morning).  Then the body rests for 24 hours and I receive another 2 rounds…rest 24 hours and then receive my final 2 rounds.  If all goes as planned, I will be discharged on Wednesday morning and be able to be home for Thanksgiving.  Did you hear that?  Home for Thanksgiving! 

What can you pray for now?  Pray that I continue to not have any infections.  Pray that I don’t get a fever.  Please pray for good health, overall…no nausea or pain.  According to Dr. Berdeja, since I have better counts now, I should respond much better to this chemotherapy than even the first time.  Even though it is 20 times stronger, I have better blood going into it than I did in September. 

Do you realize how God has been answering the prayers of His people?  I do.  Keli and I have sensed so strongly how close God is to us and how He is holding us in His hands.  All glory is given to Him.  Praise to the Healer, the Comforter, the Sustainer!!!!

A little while ago Keli went to get us lunch. That was my first moment to be by myself since I heard the news of remission.  A song came flooding into my mind and it had new meaning like never before.

Over the mountains and the seas, Your river runs with love for me, and I will open up my heart and let the Healer set me free. I’m happy to be in the truth and I will daily lift my hands…for I will always sing of when Your love came down.  I could sing of Your love forever.  I could sing of Your love forever.  I could sing of Your love forever.  I could sing of Your love forever.  And oh I feel like dancing…it’s foolishness I know.  But when the world has seen the Light…they will dance with joy like we’re dancing now.

I cried when I sang “When the world has seen the Light” because I know the Light has been shining on me and if only everyone in the world could see God in the way He has shown Himself to me…they couldn’t help but dance with the joy that He gives.  Let us all let the Light shine through our lives. 

Can you tell I am excited?  In case you couldn’t…I am.    Here is my request…when you share with others what has happened in my life…please say that it is an answer to prayer.  God inhabits the praises of His people and the way we give Him praise is to acknowledge His work among His people. I am “His people”  and He has done “His work” so please let anyone else know that it is God at work.  Thank you.

Well, fortunately I was able to write this before they gave me “the drugs.”  I know some of you prefer when I blog while on medication…shame on you …but this post was given ‘non-medicated.’  I will continue to post as we move along the journey.  Thank you for your continued prayers, love, and support.  You are being Christ to our family and to me personally and I am so grateful.  May the Lord bless you this weekend.

Blessings,

Sam

Biopsy…slept like a baby…

Keli and I arrived at the doctor at 10:00 this morning anticipating a 12:00 noon biopsy…with sedation.   They actually took me back early and I heard them say the time, 11:22.  The next thing I know I was back in my room and heard them say the time, 11:38.  That was fast!!!!  The last thing I saw in the outpatient operating room was a syringe with a milky white substance.  All I know is that milky white substance made me go out!  Although I was not out for too long, I sure do not remember anything that went on with the biopsy except the doctor poking me on my hip saying this is where I will be going in.  It is no surprise that the very spot he touched is the very spot that is sore this evening.

Because I had to fast since midnight last night before the procedure, I was starved when we were done.  Keli and I went to have breakfast (for me) and lunch (for her) after we left the clinic.  The Cracker Barrel old timers breakfast never tasted so good than it did early this afternoon.    For the rest of the day I have been home resting and laying down so as to put pressure on the spot where they did the biopsy.  The local shots wore off around 3:00 and I will be sore the rest of the evening and maybe even some tomorrow.

We are now anxiously awaiting Friday morning’s appointment with Dr. Berdeja.  I am still believing he will share with me that I am in remission.  Of course, the news could be different.  Whatever the word, God is faithful and I believe He is guiding and directing and I rest in His hands tonight, tomorrow, and every day that lies ahead.  It would be so nice to have closure to the first phase by hearing “remission.”

Keli and the girls are at church tonight and I am being a “good boy” and taking it easy.  I would love to be at church myself and directing the choir rehearsal, but it is better for me to be resting and I know it.   That has been one of the most difficult things of the journey…to be still and not try to do everything.  Oh well, in time I will be back to a regular routine and out and about like I am used to doing.

I hope you have a wonderful evening.  I am looking forward to seeing my brother, Steve, tomorrow.  He is in town teaching in the masters in religion program at Trevecca.  I have fun teasing him about being “the donor.”  He says he is ready to go at any time.  I am so thankful for his attitude in this whole journey.

Have a great evening.

Sam

Good day at the office…

This has been a wonderful day as I was able to spend quality time at the office, although Keli probably thinks I overdid it.  For the last few meetings with a particular group, I have been on conference call…it was so nice to be there in person today.  Isn’t it awesome to be able to work?  I know I mentioned that many posts ago, but I was reminded again today how great it is to work and have a focus for the mind.

Tomorrow is the big biopsy day.  I will have to stuff my face tonight before midnight, because I cannot eat again until after the procedure which will probably not be until around 1:30 or 2:00 tomorrow.  That’s okay…I’ve done it before and it will just be so nice to have the test and to anxiously await the news on Friday.

The next step in this journey after discovering I am in remission is to have two more rounds of chemotherapy.  As the doctor explained, even when leukemia does not show up on a bone marrow biopsy, there are still microscopic cells that if not ultimately wiped out with a bone marrow transplant could always come back to “life” and begin multiplying.  Therefore, I will have a period of 5 days in the hospital…back home for around 20 days…back to the hospital for 5 more days of chemo…back home to recover around 20 days…then the transplant.  All of this is contingent on being in remission.  But, that is what we are all believing to be true, right?

I will continue to keep you posted of how things are going…when I am going to the hospital…and the whole process of recovery.  Thank you for your continued prayers and love.  I can never say that enough to you, because by reading this blog I know you are praying and that you care.  Thank you.

Blessings,

Sam

Weiner Schnitzel Monday…

Sophie is hard at work on a project due Friday and was using the home computer to print a collage of pictures.  Isabella took over on the computer when she was finished and is working on a Comet project for science.  Anna-Laura is hard at work on her laptop doing a report on the Dow Jones.  Keli is pounding veal for one of my favorite German foods…weiner schnitzel.   Since everybody was busy, I thought I would take advantage of a little time and post for today.

Keli and I went to Trevecca for a few hours today and I got a lot of work done organizing the files in my new office.  It was so nice to be present.  Do you remember that whole series of posting talking about compassionate presence?  Well, I cannot get away from that and I am seeing changes in me how I am being more intentional about being present for others.  It was so nice talk with several members of the admissions team and just to be together with them.  I am already looking forward to tomorrow and going in to the office and then having a meeting later in the morning.  For those of you possibly concerned, I am not overdoing it.   I have heard from several of you not to overdo it and I am being cautious and working from home as well as the office. Thank you for your concerns.

Keli gets migraines and today had one that required a shot from the doctor.  I felt bad that she was even out of the house going to the office with me, but thankfully, the migraine is gone and she is feeling so much better.  She is one of the most positive and happy people I know who always maintains such an optimistic outlook on everything. I am so blessed to be married to her.

I have felt great today and anticipate feeling good the rest of the week.  I spoke with the anesthesia folks about the biopsy and received my instructions for Wednesday.  The lady was a little surprised when I told her the doctor put me on blood pressure medicine and she wanted to make sure I took that medicine the morning of the biopsy.  The last biopsy I had in mid-October, I was not on blood pressure medicine.  Oh well, it’s all good and I know it will go just fine.  We truly believe we will have confirmation of remission on Friday when we visit with Dr. Berdeja.  The news could be different, but we feel confident in the Lord and in the way we have seen the blood counts move up in a very good way.

I hear rattling of plates and that means dinner is not far off.  Keli called down Sophie to help finish getting ready for dinner, so I don’t want to be the one who lags behind.  Have a great evening.  Keli just told us to wash up.

Blessings,

Sam

Sunday worship with the family of God…

It was so wonderful to worship with our church family and to sing praises to the Lord.  Although there was a little adjustment getting back into the home and the first night and all, that was not true for coming back to church today.  It seemed as if I had not missed a week, although I had missed 2 months of being with my church family.

The three girls went to the Thanksgiving dinner tonight at church and Keli and I stayed home so I could avoid crowds.  Unfortunately, too, I am not allowed to eat off the “buffet” line of a wonderful church potluck.  That will not last forever, of course, but right now I have to be very careful with what I eat and how it is prepared.

I am looking forward to going to the office for a while tomorrow and being in several meetings this week.  I must continue to use caution, mask type stuff , but it will be great to be back for a while each of the days I do not have to go to the doctor.  Of course, I am anxious and excited for Wednesday’s biopsy.  I have such a peace and confidence that I will be in remission, but it will be wonderful to hear the doctor actually say those words when I meet with him on Friday.

We are so thankful that I am staying in good health during these days.  It is easy to get a little paranoid of anyone coughing or touching any handles or touching just about anything.  I keep antibacterial lotion with me and am quick to clean my hands.  Hopefully, no one will be offended with my mask, but I will continue to be cautious as I move throughout the coming week.

My heart is filled with thanksgiving as I think about the prayers of the people.  Thank you for your continued prayers.  Some said that I had finished the first phase of the journey when I came home this past week.  For me, when I hear the word “remission” I will feel that we are through the first phase.  Again, thank you for Believing God for Sam.

Blessings,

Sam

Saturday morning bliss…

Keli is fixing gravy and biscuits, the girls are still asleep, and we are rejoicing in the news we heard yesterday from Dr. Berdeja.  My counts are rising so well that Dr. Berdeja canceled my Monday appointment to have blood drawn and instead scheduled my bone marrow biopsy for Wednesday of next week.  Wow!  I thought there would be more time before the biopsy.  I will know the results of whether or not I am in remission by next Friday when I visit Dr. Berdeja again.  He is encouraged by the counts that he is seeing, but we not know if I am for sure in remission until after the biopsy.

We are enjoying family time and that is the priority for the day.  Keli and I have adjusted being back home.  That was the strangest thing the first time.  If you have not read yesterday’s post, take a moment to read it.   I am looking forward to leading worship tomorrow at church and being with my church family. 

We’ll keep this post short, but be assured God is answering prayer in powerful ways.  Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Blessings,

Sam

Home is a sweet place…especially day 2.

The internet was not working last night, so my apologies for not posting yesterday.

Okay, it was so nice to come home on Wednesday.  It almost seemed surreal to be home.  Several friends, led by the precious Brenda Waffird, had cleaned our home completely.  Thank you Brenda and everybody that helped make our homecoming so awesome.  When I walked into our bathroom, the counter seemed higher than when I had left.  That was weird.  We had a good evening with the girls, although Sophie went on to church…I am so glad she loves her church friends so much.

Okay, the first night back in “our wonderful bed.”  That is what everyone was asking, “so was it wonderful to sleep in your own bed?”  I must be honest…it was crazy the first night.  After 55 days in the hospital and being checked every few hours for fever or pain or anything wrong, I was paranoid the first night of sleep.  I woke up thinking, “am I getting a fever?”  Then, there was the dream I had of being in prison.  No joke, I had a cell mate and a tiny bathroom.  My mind and body processed all night long, so I must say, it was not marvelous being in my own bed the first night.  I had also been taking a sleeping pill the last several weeks and I did not have one that night, so I think I woke up about 15 times or so, total.  Whew. what a first night.

Now, I did not share any of this with Keli until Thursday morning.  Guess what, she had the same paranoid experience, in her way, that I did.  She kept waking up thinking, “am I getting a sore throat?”  Although she had been sleeping by my side in the hospital, she did so with her face covered by a mask, but not that night…she was afraid she was going to get me sick if she was getting sick. 

The answer to the question of sleeping in our own bed…night number two was fabulous…night number one was crazy.   Truly, last night was so different and comfortable and delightful. 

Keli and I had a good day together on Thursday.  I drove for the first time in almost two months and that was good to be behind the wheel again.  We took it very easy and even spent some time with Rusty and Brenda, Jo Anne,  and James and Gina, some of our other neighbors, around the fire that Rusty built in the new fire pit.  We had hot dogs and smores and had a very nice time.

Today is my first doctor’s appointment and going to the clinic to be checked.  I look forward to learning more about the next steps in the journey and from the way I feel, I think my counts will be very good today.  Keli and I are also going to stop by the admissions office at Trevecca and see the team.  It will be good to see all my colleagues and walk into my new office for the first time since the team moved. 

I do hope to be at church on Sunday and lead worship.  I still have to be cautious around people as my body continues to recover, but it will be so good to be back with my church family praising and glorifying the Lord.  God is so good and I can’t wait to sing of His goodness with my church community.

Well, the girls are getting ready to leave for school.  It is Friday and this weekend will be so different from the last several.  I doubt if I watch the college football like I did in the hospital because I will be spending time with my girls.  You know, I won’t miss the football.  

May the Lord bless you today as you faithfully serve Him.  I pray this is as great a weekend for you as I am anticipating it will be for me and my family.

Blessings,

Sam